JUST BEFORE YOU LEAVE - A FEW THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW!


She woke up to a queer feeling. It felt like a day of mistrust, but she wished the signals away. As she headed straight to the office on that day, she had so many thoughts running through her head. Her appetite wasn’t at its normal level. She experienced a little hormonal imbalance but she wasn’t still sure of how to feel about all those queer feelings.

As she settled in, it all began the usual way, they had their private chats and acted in their usual discrete manner. They were secret lovers – ordinary coworkers in the day but deep lovers at night. He liked the arrangement, probably more than she did. But she had set the rules, she wanted the discrete affair because that worked for her better. Obviously, she didn’t want the office drama….who would want that anyways? He was younger than her by about 3 years and was about 2 levels below her rank at the office. He knew how to make her happy but that wasn’t going to be sufficient cover for the drama that might ensue if people in the office found out about their love affair.

Their relationship went on for nearly 3 winters and 3 summers, they had their lover’s getaways and exchange of gifts…. all were kept secret. For her, being with him felt like heaven – he was her favorite boyfriend. Nothing mattered as long as she was in his young arms....those arms were her getaway tickets from all the office stress. Whenever she was down, he was quick to whisper those sweet nothings into her ears – those words melted her heart and cemented her feelings for him. He called her his backbone, mentor and bae of life. Their relationship was beautiful and sweet. They particularly derived so much pleasure being secret lovers.

Then came the breakup Wednesday. Wednesday nights were typically Ladies’ Nights….but that Wednesday night wasn’t the kind of night she had wished for. For some reasons he didn’t want her around but she forced herself to sleep over in his house. That night must have been one of the longest nights of her life. He dissed her and eventually issued her the marching orders. He roasted her soul and took away every piece of confidence she had prior to that time. She was broken and devastated. Nothing could have prepared her for that bombshell.

The relationship was over and his excuse was that he had other things to accomplish and he wanted no distractions – all of a sudden she had become a distraction. She is no longer his backbone, the woman that keeps him challenged…the strong woman that taught him the true meaning of focus and commitment. She went through the pains but eventually recovered.

The road to recovery was no easy path. Recovery was no easy fit, it came at a great and enduring emotional cost. But she had to overcome the ugly breakup episode so as to discover a better and wiser version of herself. Yes, she cried…. Yes, she felt love wasn’t worth the stress until she met a new “Him”….Yes, she didn’t feel trusting guys was right after the heart break…. Yes, her self-esteem was brutally battered by the breakup because the picture of her was constructed from his perception of her. So when he left she felt worthless, and believed she wasn’t good enough to be loved…. Yes, she avoided her favorite spots because of the fear of anything that would call up their treasured memories…. Yes, she was hurt and the pain was deep. Perhaps she still hurts occasionally but she is now dealing with it better…. Yes, as she sobbed all weeks, other guys came her way. They all had good things to say, they were helpful but she doubted them, until she met the one that said the words she believed…. Yes, while she was hurting, she compared all men that came her way to him. Those comparisons perhaps added to the pain because they reminded her of him….Yes, she finally found a man that made her feel so beautiful, he gave her strength and made her feel like a part of something real and special…. Yes, she is better and stronger as she has found a part of her she never knew existed.

She has become an advocate, sharing willingly her experiences and lessons with other people. Particularly to the guys, she would say, before you breakup with that girl, know that:

She will cry……………………..
It will make her think that love is worthless……………………………..
She would hate you and trust less……………………………….
Her self-esteem will be affected…………………………………
She will avoid everything and everywhere that reminds her of you…………………………
She will be deeply hurt but she will get over it………………………………….
Other guys will come around and they would say, “I will always be there for you" …………….
She will compare the other guys to you…………………………….
If she is convinced they are better than you, then she will truly move on……………………..
She will get better and discover herself……………………………………..

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