FRIENDS AND CRITICS
Perception is everything. So when you see friends as critics, words received from them are seen as brutal "criticisms". But words received from friends seen as true friends are fair “Assessments”.
The friends you see as critics are less likely to be the ones you run to when you have “great” ideas. Be it a business idea or an idea about anything. Why?... you don’t want anybody shoving down your throat how it won’t work, how it has been done before, how it is a razz idea, how it will require major investments. And when they don’t want to sound too discouraging, they push you a bone and say, well! Let’s try it and see how it goes shaa!
I know we sometimes hear people talk about positive criticism, but I think it is easier said than felt. When the attack is on another person it is easier to tell them to take heart and view everything from a positive light. The truth is that criticisms are hard to take. Hearing people tear your ideas down can’t be easy at all. It can totally weigh you down and can take away your zeal to keep pushing forward. It can impede your self-esteem, and very often it can make you doubt your capabilities. You can even start questioning your self-worth and your manhood – you get what I mean. I know right!
But guess what, the way to deal with such situations is to switch your mind to a better place. Convert the negative energy into some strength. The way to begin is to see the entire conversation as an assessment of your efforts. Don’t think “Criticism”, think “Assessment”. Assessors are viewed quite differently. When you see people as assessors, you accept them more and feel they are only trying to help you get better. The reason is because assessments rarely demotivate, instead they inspire and help you get better at things you do. They help you refocus on those very important things in life.
It means that when we view what people say to us as assessments, it gives us the opportunity to see ourselves from a looking-glass self. That looking-glass helps you spot areas of imperfections. Aspects of your life that require improvement. It could be in terms of how you use your scarce resources such as time and money. The resultant effect is that your perception of people's intentions towards you get generally better. So know that a friend that tells you the truth is not a critic but your assessor.
After all, what are friends for? if not to lead us right when we fall out of line. Everyone needs a friend no doubt. And yes, we have one or more over the course of our lives. These friends impart some wonderful lessons that shape our worldviews. Friends make us happy, friends watch our backs. Friends hold no split allegiances and infidelities. We all need friends. But the value we derive from friendship lies in how we perceive the suggestions from friends.We need friends we can trust and that can trust us. Most especially, we need friends that will give and take fair assessments.
The friends you see as critics are less likely to be the ones you run to when you have “great” ideas. Be it a business idea or an idea about anything. Why?... you don’t want anybody shoving down your throat how it won’t work, how it has been done before, how it is a razz idea, how it will require major investments. And when they don’t want to sound too discouraging, they push you a bone and say, well! Let’s try it and see how it goes shaa!
I know we sometimes hear people talk about positive criticism, but I think it is easier said than felt. When the attack is on another person it is easier to tell them to take heart and view everything from a positive light. The truth is that criticisms are hard to take. Hearing people tear your ideas down can’t be easy at all. It can totally weigh you down and can take away your zeal to keep pushing forward. It can impede your self-esteem, and very often it can make you doubt your capabilities. You can even start questioning your self-worth and your manhood – you get what I mean. I know right!
But guess what, the way to deal with such situations is to switch your mind to a better place. Convert the negative energy into some strength. The way to begin is to see the entire conversation as an assessment of your efforts. Don’t think “Criticism”, think “Assessment”. Assessors are viewed quite differently. When you see people as assessors, you accept them more and feel they are only trying to help you get better. The reason is because assessments rarely demotivate, instead they inspire and help you get better at things you do. They help you refocus on those very important things in life.
It means that when we view what people say to us as assessments, it gives us the opportunity to see ourselves from a looking-glass self. That looking-glass helps you spot areas of imperfections. Aspects of your life that require improvement. It could be in terms of how you use your scarce resources such as time and money. The resultant effect is that your perception of people's intentions towards you get generally better. So know that a friend that tells you the truth is not a critic but your assessor.
After all, what are friends for? if not to lead us right when we fall out of line. Everyone needs a friend no doubt. And yes, we have one or more over the course of our lives. These friends impart some wonderful lessons that shape our worldviews. Friends make us happy, friends watch our backs. Friends hold no split allegiances and infidelities. We all need friends. But the value we derive from friendship lies in how we perceive the suggestions from friends.We need friends we can trust and that can trust us. Most especially, we need friends that will give and take fair assessments.
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